Surrendered Control

My husband and I are part of a marriage group in our church. One of our study questions for this week was, if you could change anything about yourself to become a better wife, what would it be? I immediately knew the answer–give up control.

Control feels safe—especially for someone wired to plan, prepare, and anticipate outcomes. As a lawyer, a business owner, and a mother, I’ve built much of my life around structure and responsibility. I like knowing what comes next.

But surrender has a way of dismantling that illusion.

There have been seasons where I did everything “right”—prayed, planned, prepared—and still watched things unravel. Opportunities closed. Relationships shifted. Plans I felt confident about dissolved without explanation. And every time, I was faced with the same question: Do I trust God only when His will aligns with mine, or even when it doesn’t?

Surrender isn’t passive. It’s active obedience in the absence of clarity. It’s continuing to show up, do the work, and love well—even when outcomes are uncertain. It’s releasing the need to control results and choosing faith instead.

I’ve learned that surrender doesn’t mean giving up responsibility; it means releasing ownership of the outcome. God doesn’t ask me to carry what was never mine to begin with.

When I loosen my grip, I make room for peace. And in that space, God does what only He can do.